Updated: Jan 5, 2021

I used to find comfort in the word adjusting.

After my son Knox was born and we became a family of four, people would ask “how are you?” My response was usually upbeat and something like, “Oh, we are just adjusting to having two kids!” Sleepless nights were taking a lot out of us (just like every new parent) and our sweet only child had some sibling jealousy for the first time. Being the eldest siblings ourselves, Lucas and I felt serious parent guilt. We knew that we would soon adjust and we did. We had hope.

When we got our kitty and had to learn how to train her to use the litter box for the first time, she adjusted.

When my husband has to travel for work, there is a period of adjustment and then things are fine!

Then 2020 hit. I assume every one had a tough year. I feel like it was a year of adjustment for everyone. From my perspective, I definitely had to go through many different types of adjusting. I could list them out but honestly, you do not have time.

I did however decide that “adjusting” was no longer a very nice word. Adjusting is tough. Adjusting to travel bans is tough. Adjusting to being inactive after being very active is tough. Adjusting to working from home on a computer and not seeing anyone except for the people who live within your home including your precious students is tough. Adjusting to your new reality after accepting hard news about a parent or the loss of your child royally and truly is tough.

You see, you have your own hopes and dreams for how your life will unfold. You plan. You work hard. You pray and you do all of the things. A parent struggling with cancer or a baby dying is not apart of my plan A. It's just not, and although I know it must somehow be a part of God’s perfect plan... it was not a part of mine... and so now I must adjust.

See? Adjust... adjusting... adjustment. It is not a fun word. It is a mean word. It is a hard word for me to say or read, now. I no longer find comfort in the word adjust. It just makes me really mad! Adjusting is painful. Adjusting is challenging. It does not feel good. It is the valley.

I’m sure you’ve heard about the valleys of life. The pressure? The pain? The pruning? I have found all of it to be true! I am not telling you I understand why these awful things happen. I am telling you growth comes from them. I am telling you that even though adjusting is not fun, brutal, and sometimes ugly it molds and shapes you into who you are destined to be. I know if you’re like me, you are thinking, “but why all of the rain before the rainbow?”

I truly believe that in order to be transformed, change must occur. Coal has to have pressure applied to become a diamond. I really love how “Seasons” by Hillsong puts it; “You could have saved us in a second, but instead you sent a child.” You see, life was not meant to be easy. He never promised it would be painless. He did promise to be FAITHFUL though “from seed to sequoia”. "Calvary's sequoia". He never changes. He never leaves you... even when it feels like it. He is right there to carry you through. Jesus is enough. Even when I miss my child, even when things do not go according to my plan. Jesus is enough. He is. “If God you’re not done working, then God I’m not done waiting!”

I now am able to see the word adjusting as a challenge. After several sleepless nights, weeping, praying, and grieving... adjusting still sounds mean, but the challenge to walk this road to become who I need to be in order to further the kingdom... I’m trusting the process. I’m adjusting. My granddaddy always said, “where there is life there is hope”, and I am still breathing.

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